I always looked at the lifestyles of my elders and would be saddened as what I perceived as a loss of passion; the older you get the slower you move, the less one argues, the joints break down, the heart steadies to a trotting pace. It's common to misinterpret in one's younger years. I've not been exempt from this.
Turning 25 years old marked an important stage of my life; a "passage of rights" as some cultures refer to it. If I was an Indian boy, I would've been left in the woods to fend for myself. If I was a samurai boy in training, I would've been awarded with adult clothes, a change in hair, and a new name. MY passage of rights was leaving everything I loved, including what felt like was my whole heart, behind and set out to see the world. I wasn't sure what I expected to find or how I anticipated the world being. Moreso I just needed to leave. I felt myself changing and the world I was surrounded by remaining stagnant, and that's a pressurized place to be in.
But if I am indeed that Indian boy who's lost and fending for his life in the woods, I have much more to do before my passage is complete; until I feel a sense of peace and rest about my life and my dear heart's desires. Fortunately, what I have been granted in this month and a half, is clarity. I've discovered what it is I value. I've discovered what I'm willing to fight for in this short short life I have. I've discovered people are the same everywhere, places are just places, and the world is nothing without the people you love. I've also learned I am a bird who knows how to fly and I cannot cannot cannot be caged (being a live-in nanny is like reverting back to one's teenage years and guaranteed no one wants to be in that prison more than once per lifetime.)
So, much as the Indian in the woods, I blindly find my way. Step by step, tree by tree, star by star.
What is it I'm fighting for?
Freedom: the innate ability to always speak my mind when needed, always be honest, always take responsibility for my actions, and always find the humor in the worst of situations. I know this sounds easy, but these past years have been filled with extremely aggressive and oppressive people who seek to deny others these freedoms.
Family: Nothing in life is as wonderful as it is with those you love. Period.
Independence: I love to do things by myself. To take the world as it comes, spontaneously, and have the strength to take it on solo, and sometimes (a pleasant surprise) with someone else.
Autonomy: This requires consistently educating myself, continually re-evaluating what I'm passionate about, and finding the lucrativeness to make all my dreams possible.
So, now that I know what I'm looking for there is nothing to stop me from achieving it. I was born the month of the bull, and the year of the bull, and my horns have finally grown in.
I may be learning a lot, and nannying may not be the most fun nor the most appreciated job I've ever worked, but it's worth the experience. I went to Madrid, Spain and watched bull fighting (which I hated, but appreciated in that I could site with Ernest Hemmingway's "The Sun Also Rises") saw Flamenco dancing, found classical guitarists on every corner, and enjoyed museums and gardens of all types. I spent a week in Barcelona, Spain and swam in the Mediterranean Sea, made a feast with a bunch of new European friends, saw the amazing architecture of Gaudi, shopped at amazing markets of nothing but fresh produce, and laughed. a lot. Living in Lugano, Switzerland is quiet, clean and efficient. I'm learning an easier and fresher way of life here. And I leave in 5 days to spend a month on the beaches of Italy. All these things I will take with me. So really, thank goodness I'm doing this! But I'm ready to step closer and closer to my heart's desires.
I bid you "buona notte."
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